My Brutally Honest Dating Hot Takes

Last week I asked all of you on Instagram for story ideas — and y’all PULLED through for me. So, as requested, today I’m writing about my dating/relationship HOT TAKES. 

I’ve carefully crafted five of my hot takes — some stinging like a hot glue gun burn, others fizzling like the last embers of a fire. 

So kick back and relax, enjoy some Oreos and light a candle, because here are my truths, frustrations and observations about modern dating.

Men don’t yearn

I know I’m not the only one who has fallen victim to the romances played on screen that depict men who are OBSESSED with their women (in a good way of course). 

Like Conrad in “The Summer I Turned Pretty,” Noah from “The Notebook” and Mr. Darcy in “Pride & Prejudice” (the Mathew Macfadyen and Kiera Knightly version OBVIOUSLY), these men are emotionally invested showing STRONG longing and desire — even when they aren’t with the woman they love. I mean come on, Noah renovated AN ENTIRE HOUSE BY HAND for his love. 

Conrad left, Noah middle and Mr. Darcy right — the ultimate yearners.

Yearning is about showing genuine interest, instead of this nonchalant, play it cool bullshit. 

It’s about vulnerability and showing/telling someone your honest feelings and affection, rather than pretending not to care or not putting in any effort. 

Call me crazy, and it’s not every single man, BUT these college men DON’T yearn. With dating apps and technology, they move on to the next person so easily as if the time you spent talking to each other means ABSOLUTELY nothing. 

There’s no “just thinking of you” gestures and there’s DEFINITELY no major effort being made. I really truly don’t know how some of my friends have found husbands and boyfriends in our chronically yearning-less society. 

And alllllll this comes down to fear — fear of being judged, looking stupid for trying or even rejection. But most women are looking for that effort and want someone that takes the initiative to TRY. We’re scared too. We don’t want to be judged and we’re afraid of looking stupid, but that doesn’t stop us from trying. #bringbackyearning 

Situationships ARE relationships 

I don’t know why we even have the term “situationship” because even if you’re taking the time to simply talk to someone — that’s a relationship. It may not be romantic, but it’s still a connection being formed.

There are different kinds of relationships, like platonic or romantic, but we don't use special names for them — they fall under the category of relationships. So tell me, why the hell did we create the term “situationship?”

And if you’re someone who is saying, “Well, situationships aren’t real relationships,” THEN YOU’RE LYING TO YOURSELF. Situationships are the label people put on that are in denial of forming something real and are too scared to call it what it is — a situationship is still a relationship you have with someone. 

Don’t be in denial about it. Yes, it may have been a temporary short-lived part of your life, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. Just because there wasn’t a definite label or commitment doesn’t mean you didn’t have a connection. 

So please, spare me the details of your situationship and just call it what it is: a relationship that lacked exclusivity and long-term planning. 

If they wanted to, they STILL wouldn’t 

I’ve always been a believer of “if he wanted to, he would.” HOWEVER, I’m becoming convinced that it’s more accurate to say “if he wanted to, he STILL wouldn’t.”

Once again, let me be clear: this is not every single man's problem. I’m just saying that in this day and age, women are the ones who are being bold and are making the first move.

I’m guilty of being in denial of this and have always thought, “Why do I have to be the first person to text?” or “Why do I have to be the one who shows interest first?” but honey, if no one has told you yet, GIRL you need to go after what you want. 

This comes down to if you’re an intimidating or powerful source (yes, women we should be thinking of ourselves that way), then men are most likely nervous to walk up and talk to you first. Quite frankly, they’re scared of you. 

I get really tired of having to be the one who initiates interest, but that’s just the way it is. Because even if a man wants to come up to you, he’s probably too scared to say anything. It’s OUR job and in OUR hands to make things happen for ourselves. We can’t expect something to come out of nothing — and we need to be brave enough to show interest first. 

HOWEVER, if you feel like you’re always the one to text or you’re always the one asking to go out, then move on. If your effort isn’t being reciprocated, then find someone who will reciprocate — because any man who knows your worth will understand that he HAS to match your effort. 

But us women NEED to have the guts to initiate interest first. 

Technology created a lack of communication skills 

Back in the day it used to be that parents told their kids, “Just don’t get pregnant.” But now, we younger people struggle to even talk to each other. 

I don’t want to be THAT person that blames social media and technology for screwing us up, but you know what, I’ll be that person to say IT DID. 

Before the world had endless information at our fingertips, people had no other choice than to turn to the person next to them and talk. With Generation Z, it’s like we have our phones as a back up social exit when situations get awkward, or when there is nothing to do. We’re bored, we pull out our phones and scroll — leaving communication to be purely digital. 

Most of the world grew up with a type of dating where you actually had to talk to someone in real life — not just through a phone or with dating apps. Because Gen Z grew up communicating through phones, we struggle to talk to each other in person — meaning dating is REALLY difficult. 

I’ll be honest and say I don’t even really know how to date, and yeah, I’ll blame that on the fact that my phone has always been a replacement for real life communication. 

But I like to think we aren’t completely screwed, because even though a lot of us Gen Zers struggle to talk to each other, the only way to push through that barrier is EXPOSURE to dating. 

We put too much pressure on finding “the one”       

I’ll be the first to admit I’m guilty of this, and every time I start talking to someone I make jokes to my friends about how I’m going to be getting married, which I still think is SO funny to say.

But, the reality is a lot of us focus too much on finding the absolute PERFECT person who we can potentially spend the rest of our lives with. And there’s nothing wrong with thinking long-term and not wanting to waste your time, but the problem is we eliminate dating choices PURELY based on someone not being “the one.”

NEWS FLASH. Not every man you go on a date with will be perfect and not every man you talk to will be “the one,” but why can’t he be good enough for right now? What if he’s the person you need in THIS stage of your life? 

We single ourselves out and push people away when they don’t check every single box on our list. We need to realize that we’re judging too soon and thinking a wee bit TOO long-term. Also, we’re SO young, meaning we have plenty of time to actually find “the one” and don’t need to rush that process. 

Most of us are in our ‘20s and still figuring out what we want out of life and who we want to be. If we don’t fully know ourselves yet, there’s no reason to put so much pressure on finding the perfect person. As my man Billy Joel once said, “Slow down, you’re doing fine,” because you’re not running out of time like you think you are. 

The truth is, dating isn’t about finding perfection. Nobody’s going to have it all figured out — not you, not them. Stop overthinking every text, every date, every little detail.

You don’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t see your worth or match your effort, so take chances, be bold and trust that the right people show up at the exact moment you need them to.