How to Survive the Holidays: Chronically Single Edition

Every single Thanksgiving and Christmas since I was 16 years old, WITHOUT FAIL, my grandma asks me, “So, you still single? You got a boyfriend yet?”

Girl trust me, if I had one the ENTIRE world would hear about it. 

And obviously I understand that comes from a place of genuine interest in my life, but six years of hearing that every holiday gets reallyyyyy old. And thank God the extended family isn’t at our immediate family’s holiday dinners, because then I’d have an overload of people asking me that exact same question. 

Here’s what I have a problem with: people ask that in a condescending way, as if it’s implied you’re not complete as a person without a plus one. 

I just want to stuff my face with food, not be interrogated on why I don’t have a boyfriend every single year. 

So, from one chronically single friend to another, here’s my survival guide for this and every holiday season. 

Set Boundaries with Love 

There’s absolutely a kind way to tell someone “Stop asking me about that,” and it starts with understanding first and foremost that YOU ARE COMPLETE AS ONE PERSON. You need to understand that your relationship status has no tie to your worth. Once you understand this, then you can politely tell someone why you don’t want to be asked that, instead of internally freaking out on that person. 

It’s as simple as, “I’m focusing on myself right now,” “I’ll be right back, I’m grabbing a drink,” or “I didn’t realize applications were open, but I’ll keep you updated,” — it just depends on if you want to be direct, avoidant or funny. 

Have a set response in mind going into your family dinners. It never hurts to be prepared especially if you are expecting the question to pop up at some point. 

It also helps to have an ally. Recruit your favorite family member to step in and banter with you, that way it eases the tension and adds another voice to stick up for you or change the conversation if things get too awkward. 

I’m always sitting next to either my mom or my dad because they’ll change the conversation with my grandma into all the things I’ve accomplished and why I’m the favorite child (wink).

Romanticize your Solo Era

Over the course of writing blog posts the past couple months and interviewing individuals based on varied topics, I can’t tell you how many times I was met with, “You’re so lucky that you’re this young, and completely free to live with your own company.” 

I’ve learned to value the time I spend with myself instead of viewing it as a prison sentence. So during the holidays when you see all the couples you know posting on Instagram about their building gingerbread house date nights, it eases the loneliness if you romanticize your single season. 

You can do this by turning everyday routines into rituals, creating a cozy environment and doing self-care/solo adventures. You can even set a new tradition for yourself, something that makes you feel at peace. 

For me, I love solo shopping for Christmas gifts for my family and friends. I actually find it stressful if I shop for others with someone, and it also makes me feel rushed. When I’m by myself, I can take the time to really think about the person I’m shopping for, and hone in to what I know they’d like. I put in some earbuds, and play my favorite music. If you’re thinking about other people, then you’re not focused on the fact that you’re single yet another year during the holidays.

Plus, it helps to decorate your living space, and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Because you’re solo, you can use ANY decor you want — and no one can tell you they think your Santa throw pillow is ugly. 

Reclaim the Single Narrative with Confidence

When someone in your family asks you in a condescending way if you have a boyfriend, you need to meet them with utter confidence. Whether you want to react with humor or not, whatever you say sets the tone for your attitude and lets the person know you don’t mind being single. 

I know that it can be frustrating when people insist there’s something wrong with you because you’re STILL single, but as cliche as it may sound, gratitude is what leads to confidence.

It’s not always easy to look at the good, but think about what your singleness grants you as gifts. I’m grateful that I don’t have another person’s family events to go to, because then I can focus purely on my own family. I’m also grateful I have one less person to shop for, meaning I save THAT much more money, because we all know people drop BIG money for their partners’ Christmas gifts. 

As flustered as you may be when asked about being single, your confidence will shine through, and will show everyone that yeah, you’re that bitch who’s single and you love it. You have more freedom than anyone in the room you’re in, and don’t forget that. 

And even though it’s difficult to let the comments slide, at the end of the day, you know your worth and detaching from negativity will bring you peace. #protectyourpeace

Focus on What You Can Give

Instead of feeling lonely and bad about yourself for being the single one, invest that effort into productivity. If you don’t want to be alone, go to your parents house. Go to your siblings or your best friends or even your neighbors. 

And if you REALLY want to feel fulfilled, there’s plenty of service and volunteer opportunities that are going to make you feel connected to others, AND serve as another bragging right to grandma when she insinuates there’s something wrong with you. 

In all seriousness, when you feel like you’ve made a difference, whether it’s volunteering at a homeless shelter or food bank, you find peace with yourself, and build that confidence that you’re a good person. 

For a couple years in a row, my mom and I would hand out Thanksgiving dinners through her work to people who couldn’t afford extra costs. I’m talking full on TURKEYS, not just side dishes. 

I remember thinking to myself that my little problems, like my grandma yet again asking me about my relationship status, felt significantly less important. Giving your time and energy is the perfect remedy for reinvesting your focus elsewhere, and arguably, what’s most important in life — showing people you care and want to help.

Because the truth is, being single during the holidays isn’t a curse, it’s an opportunity. It’s a season where you learn what actually fills your cup and how strong you are on your own. 

When you show up for yourself and others with intention, confidence and compassion, you realize you were never lacking anything to begin with — despite what your grandma may say.