A Letter to My Younger Self: How I Found Confidence in Being the Chronically Single Friend

After the past nearly three months of starting Single Truths with writing blog posts and creating content for my social media account, I can CONFIDENTLY say that I no longer carry the shame I used to feel about having always been the chronically single friend. 

The embarrassment that came from telling people I’ve never had a boyfriend no longer stings or pierces my soul, but rather ignites a light within me that wants other women to develop the same confidence I’ve slowly gained. 

I started Single Truths as my senior project, and because it’s coming to an end this semester, I’ve been thinking a lot about how far I’ve come, and wished SO badly that I could tell 16-year-old me that things may not turn out like I hoped, but everything does work out for the best. 

So here’s what I’d tell high school me from the wisdom of 22-year-old me. 

16-year-old me.

Dear 16-year-old Lexy, 

Right now you’re at what feels like is supposed to be the peak of your teenage years — when you’re supposed to experience your first love and feel so connected to your high school that you’ll never want to leave. 

And I wish I could tell you those things happen for you, but they don’t. 

Not to scare you, but you have two more years of experiencing the most intense kind of dread and angst that comes from going to school every day at Tooele High School. People you feel like you knew very well since elementary school, you won’t even bat an eye at because you feel ashamed and like you don’t belong. 

One of your childhood best friends will get new friends, and you’ll honestly never talk to her again (unless you see her at your home church once in a blue moon and have the most awkward interactions). 

You’re going to feel SO alone — but just know that right around the corner, is an experience that you wouldn’t trade for anything. 

You choose to go to Utah Tech University, and have zero clue why, but as a senior finishing up your final year, you’ll come to understand that you’ve met people and had experiences that have made you into the more confident version of yourself.

Here’s what you need to know: one, you start therapy, so good for you because you should've sooner BUT that’s OK. And two, you are going to meet the absolute best friends you’ve ever had, and they’ll be the people who make you feel like you belong and that you are worthy of love. 

Through therapy you learn that there’s nothing wrong with you, and you deserve good things because you are not a bad person, despite what your brain tells you. You learn that just because you’ve never had a boyfriend DOES NOT mean you’re ugly and no one likes you — and boy does that one take time to learn. 

The friends you meet along the way are people you couldn’t even imagine your life without, despite not knowing them at all just a few years before. It starts with your freshman year roommate, who is going to teach you that it’s OK for things to not go as planned, and that there’s joy and beauty in the messiness of life. She’s one of the funniest people you’ll ever meet, and you’ll even be a bridesmaid at her wedding. 

My freshman year roomie.

There’s another roommate who is the only one from your OG friend group from freshman year that makes it to the end of college with you, and her loyalty and care is contagious. You’ll go to concerts together and be someone who knew you when you were a nobody on campus. 

The roomie who's known me since Day 1 of freshman year.

Then, you’ll become a peer coach mentoring freshman students, which will fill your cup up because it is the most rewarding thing you’ve ever done. Forming connections with your students, even if it’s just one semester you spend with them, will teach you that people at their core are GOOD. You’ll love getting to know each and every single person, and see what makes them shine. 

The friendships that you form with your peer coach co-workers will make you feel loved and special every single day on campus because they never fail to make you smile or laugh. You finally get that connection and sense of belonging that you’ve been craving since you were a teenager.

My peer coach buddies.

You’re also going to join Sun News Daily, and it’s through Sun News that you’ll meet another one of your best friends. She’s one of the absolute funniest people you’ve ever met, and your friendship with her is going to help you get through the difficult moments of college life. When you get an ugly email from someone on campus or someone on the news staff is driving you crazy, she understands; and in fact is one of the only people that understands you. She’s one of the most thoughtful people you’ve ever met. 

Another best friend.

She teaches you to find the humor in life, and that the most meaningful friendships come when you least expect them to. You’ll even be her maid of honor, which to this day at 22 years old is one of the greatest honors you’ve received. You’ll meet more of your closest friends through Sun News and walking into the Sun News room will feel more like home than any old apartment you’ll temporarily live in. 

My Sun News crew.

And senior year, you’ll be racking your brain trying to figure out a capstone project, and have the balls and be brave enough to do something 16-year-old you would’ve NEVER dared — start a blog and social media page about being the chronically single friend. 

It’s through this senior project that you learn to overcome the stupid shame you’ve felt for so long, and it’s through writing your emotions and being vulnerable on Instagram that you’ll feel like the MOST confident version of yourself.

Every single day when you wake up, look at a picture of little you. You would NEVER tell the kind-hearted and hopeful child in you that she’s ugly or doesn’t belong. Look at that little you, and you’ll see that she’s still within you, and you have to take care of her by speaking kindly to yourself AND being bold — no more hiding behind masks of shame. 

Little me.

As cliche as it sounds, you do have to experience this VERY difficult time in high school full of pain (yes, I’m sorry it’s unavoidable) to feel the hope and joy that comes in the future. 

Your time at Utah Tech will change you for the better, and despite all the shitty things you learn about and discover about your school from being on the news, you’ll be SO GRATEFUL you’ve spent the last four years there. 

And I so badly wish I could say you’ve had a boyfriend by now, but what I want you to take away is that love and connection exists in relationships outside of romantic ones. It may feel like life is all about boys (or the lack thereof in your life) but please, hang on a little longer, and you’ll see friendships unfold in your life that mean everything to you. 

Please don’t give up on you. You have to keep going, and be a little bit more hopeful because even though your romantic life hasn’t ever turned out the way you hope, you’ve grown into a woman who does things alone and actually likes it. You learn that solo adventures aren’t signs of loneliness — they’re signs of confidence. You stop waiting for life to start and start living it on your own terms, without shame.

Because the truth is, you don’t get that confidence without the people who held you up along the way. Your loyal childhood best friend, your cutie parents who’ve always been there, your friends, your roommates, your co-workers — they remind you that love shows up in friendships just as powerfully as it does in romance. They’re the reason you keep going, and the reason you finally become someone younger you would be EXTREMELY proud of.

Stay hopeful and be kind to yourself.

Love, your 22-year-old future self, 

Lexy Truth